Overspending is one of the most misunderstood money patterns — especially for women.

It’s usually framed as a discipline problem. A willpower issue. A “just make better choices” situation.

But that framing misses the point entirely.

Overspending is rarely about money. It’s about self-abandonment.

Let me explain.

Overspending Isn’t Irresponsibility — It’s Regulation

Most women don’t overspend because they’re careless or bad with money.

They overspend because they’re emotionally overwhelmed.

Overspending becomes a coping mechanism — a way to regulate feelings that haven’t been given space, safety, or language.

Things like:

• loneliness
• exhaustion
• resentment
• family pressure
• childhood wounds
• comparison
• fear of not being “enough”
• guilt
• feeling unseen or unappreciated
• anger that doesn’t feel safe to express

Spending offers a brief sense of relief. A moment of comfort. A distraction from what’s bubbling underneath.

Just like some people eat emotionally, others spend emotionally.

It’s not stupidity.

It’s survival.

Why Overspending Feels Good… Until It Doesn’t

When you buy something, your brain gets a short-lived hit of relief:

• dopamine
• distraction
• a sense of control
• a feeling of “I’m doing something”

For a moment, things feel lighter.

Then the wave crashes.

• guilt
• shame
• regret
• avoidance (“I don’t want to look at my account right now”)

And you tell yourself:

“Next month will be different.”

But next month arrives… and the same emotional triggers are still there.

Because the problem was never the spending.

It was the unmet emotional need beneath it.

Why This Pattern Explodes in December

December intensifies the exact emotions overspending tries to soothe:

• feeling like you didn’t do enough this year
• wanting to make everyone happy
• loneliness and stress
• pressure to create a “perfect” holiday
• family triggers and old roles
• wanting to feel generous because you don’t feel valued
• trying to fill the emotional weight of the year ending

Overspending becomes a way of saying:

“Let me just feel okay for a moment.”

That isn’t failure.

That’s pain looking for relief.

The Deeper Pattern: Self-Abandonment

At its core, overspending often comes from:

• ignoring your own needs
• dismissing your limits
• trying to earn love through giving
• avoiding conflict
• trying not to disappoint anyone
• proving your value
• believing goodness requires self-sacrifice

So you abandon yourself — emotionally, financially, energetically — to meet expectations you didn’t consciously choose.

No wonder your wallet feels depleted.

You feel depleted.

The Good News: This Pattern Can Be Healed

When you address the emotional roots — the guilt, fear, conditioning, and identity patterns — overspending often softens on its own.

Not through force. Not through shame. Not through punishment.

But because you no longer need spending to regulate what’s happening inside.

This is the heart of the work I do with clients in my 6-Week Money Healing Intensive.​

Together, we explore:

• emotional money patterns
• the nervous system’s relationship with money
• childhood conditioning
• identity around earning, receiving, and spending
• personal triggers
• core beliefs
• the hidden wounds that keep these loops repeating

So you don’t carry the same patterns into another year.

And money stops feeling like something you have to wrestle with — especially in December.

If this resonated and you feel ready to explore this work more deeply, you can learn more about the Money Healing Intensive here.​

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